That one night (male pov)

Watching clouds until the sky is littered in stars, her hand in mine fingers interlocked, our hearts beating in sync. I knew we were thinking the same – wishing that this summer could last forever. That when the sunrises we wouldn’t have to say goodbye.

Erisah Adams was a breath of fresh air that you didn’t know you needed. Chaotic in all the right ways everything that I am not. Her spirit so free and intoxicating, she could reel you in with just one look. She is magical. How could one not be enamoured by her beauty?

I turned to face her, drinking in every ounce of her perfection. Her hand caressing mine as she speaks about her love of the night sky. How this is exactly where she would want to spend her forever. With me, watching stars on the sandy shores. Our bodies close but not close enough. I think…no I know this is love.

Six weeks that is all it took for her to somehow weasel her way into my heart and now I wasn’t sure I could let go. How was I supposed to go back to normal when all I craved was her. How was I supposed to function when my mind was only on her. Even in her presence, I needed to know her more. To memorise the way her eyes light up when she talks and boy can she talk so passionately just about anything it’s like she cares a little too much, she feels a little too much. How she laughs at the silliest of things, the sound warms my heart. I need to feel her touch so it is engraved into my skin. Her lips on mine so soft, so sweet her taste lingers in my mouth. She is my favourite flavour.

I knew I was in for an adventure when I packed my bag that’s exactly what I had hoped for but a whirlwind romance never could I have imagined not even in my wildest dreams.

2am thoughts

Nights like these are reckless. Nights like these are not for the faint-hearted. They are tainted in the blood of your demons. The silence is eerie and the darkness is consuming. Your heart rate is racing, faster, faster, faster. You’re no longer tossing and turning trying to find comfort in your bed. The place where you lay to find peace, to find solace, your safe haven. Anywhere, you’d rather be anywhere but there.

You jolt out of bed scrambling in the darkness to find your phone. The very thing you that you spend each waking moment with, clutching to it as though it is your lifeline. The very thing you lock away after 11 pm so that you actually close your eyes instead of mindlessly scrolling torturing your fickle soul into the wee hours of the night.

Finally, you look down at the screen to see it’s 2 am. Only 2 am on a Sunday night. You walk towards your wardrobe and pull out the first pair of joggers you can find, grab a jacket and put on some shoes. You most likely look like you dressed yourself in the dark but that is exactly what you’ve done.

Slowly you tiptoe down your stairs carefully making sure the old wood doesn’t creak loud enough to wake the others. The softer your step funnily enough the louder the creak. You see the door and you’re out. Out in the fresh air, out in the open. The dimly lit street so quiet, so serene almost suddenly you feel at peace and you know exactly where you need to be.

Running, you’re running as fast as your legs can carry. The cold air grazing your skin. The cooling sensation making you feel more alive than you have in a very long time. You stop for a moment to catch your breath, you close your eyes – inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale… A few more steps that’s all it will take and you’re finally there.

Your home away from home, shining under the moonlight.

“Can you see me?”

You know that feeling, that delirious feeling of being in and out of consciousness. Watching as the world passes you by yet you’re frozen in a state of denial. A blur, a tangent feeling, circles, running; your mind buzzing. That is how I function most days.

I have places to be, people to meet. I pick up the pace and start to walk faster, faster my feet move a little faster

*ring ring*

I quickly check my phone. It’s Matteo again. I contemplate whether I should answer. I’m only a few moments away.

“Hello, I’m just around the corner. I won’t be long”

Nothing. I hear nothing.

“Hello!”

I can’t even hear him breathing.

“Matteo! If this is some kind of joke I’m going to kill you”

Still nothing.

“Fine, have it your way I can see you now anyway I’ll be there in a second.”

I run up to the boy with bright brown eyes, he’s smiling in the way your whole body reacts to joy. Nose crinkled, eyes barely open, dimple kinda smile – he keeps me sane, my Matteo. I’m going to marry him one day. I’ll be the perfect wife, have a few kids, fall in love with how imperfectly perfect we are for each other. This is the man I want till my dying breath.

Arms open I go to embrace my love. I feel his body next to mine – I feel at home so close to his chest hearing his heartbeat it’s my favourite sound. But why isn’t he holding me, why aren’t his arms around my waist pulling me closer, why is he standing still? I look up at my love. He isn’t smiling anymore. His brows furrowed in confusion.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I’m starting to worry now too.

He doesn’t answer me, it’s like he doesn’t’ see me like I’m not there at all.

“Matteo, baby why aren’t you answering me? Did I do something wrong?”

He’s staring right at me, worry written all over his face. His eyes darkening, his lips pursing the way he does when he’s mad. I move back a little and he pulls out his phone.

He’s dialling a number, his eyes wondering. Why is he acting like this, so strange and out of character?

My phone starts to ring.

*ring ring*

Before I can say anything. He walks right through me.