Six month update

So it’s been a little over 6 months since I relaunched my blog. Things haven’t really gone the way I would’ve liked them too but I have always believed that life is a journey and we learn something new every step of the way.

I started off in June thinking that I was going to blog more and be more creative and this website and youtube channel were going to be my outlet. I even forced my parents to give me the extra room in the garage so I could set it up and make it into a cute little office/filming room for myself. I’m still working on that 4 months in but it will eventually happen I just don’t know when.

I’ve been looking back at the goals I set myself on my birthday and surprisingly I can a few off the list already which is amazing for someone like me as it usually takes me a billion odd years to get shit done well shit that is for myself done. I thought I’d post a little update because even though I’ve been a bit MIA online my life has been very busy to the point I haven’t had a single weekend to myself for the last few months.

1. Quit my Job – I quit my job at the end of June and well me being me I went back in September. I’ve been back for 2 and half months and the experience is completely different. I’m still surrounded by people that I love and consider to be my friends but this job is not end goals just a stepping stone until I figure out where I am heading next.

2. Join the Gym – I joined the gym!! well, I got a personal trainer who I see twice a week and boyyy does she know how to torture us. I’ve been seeing her for about a month now and I’m not going to lie even though I hate exercising I somehow enjoy each session of pain. I don’t think I’ve seen any physical changes but let’s put that down to my bad eating habits in times of stress!

3. Join a Scriptwriting Class – I attended an evening class for 6 whole weeks!!! I never really thought I would actually do it. I loved the experience, especially because, in the beginning, I felt like a fish out of water. I regretted paying for the classes because I knew I had to attend them now but after the initial OMG WTF HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO moment I started to really enjoy the class and I ended up writing my very first episode. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the script or where I am going to go with it but I did it and I feel so proud of myself just for being able to allow myself to write!

5. Go to Therapy – I went to my very first therapy session last week. I feel as though I have broken this barrier that I had built for myself and that was preventing me from going but now I’ve taken the first step and I really do look forward to these sessions helping me help myself.

10. Put Myself Out There Again – I think this was the one thing I was not looking forward to the most but I am more open to new things and new people and just experiencing life differently. I’ve made new friends and even opened up my heart just a little. You don’t realise what you are missing out until you get a glimpse of it and you yourself are experiencing new things and emotions.

It’s been 6 whole months since my birthday and my very first post on this blog. In those 6 months, life hasn’t gone the way I wanted to it but I’ve achieved 5 things off my list of goals for the next 5 years and I think that’s pretty amazing!

Forever

These scars are forever, moments carved into my skin
Memories that I will never treasure.
Daily reminders of my screw-ups,
My downfalls, my pain.
My lack of self-control.
They haunt, they taunt me.
They make me feel ashamed.
I wish they’d disappear.
But they now are a part me
A part of me I can’t let go
A part of me here to stay forever.
A part of me I will always regret.

Scars

my scars remind me of you.
the ones I carved into my skin.
I hate that you are still apart me.
because I allowed you to consume me.
sometimes I want to cover them up.
other times I think these are my battle wounds.
it’s a constant struggle because these are daily reminders.
of memories, bad memories engraved into my skin.