I always say I am better off alone. It’s not because I want to be alone.
It’s just, may be one day I’ll let someone in just enough and they’ll steal my heart. I’ll fall helplessly in love and realise all I ever wanted in this life was to feel loved, to be in love. I’ll crave it, I’ll need it, I’ll want to feel it more than life itself and then one day it will all come crashing, burning down. I don’t know if my heart can take that especially seeing as I am known as the broken girl. So I rather wear some bubble wrap around my fragile self then to open up and let you love me. I’m not scared of being alone I’m scared of needing you, scared of falling so deeply and not being able to live without your love.
These scars are forever, moments carved into my skin
Memories that I will never treasure.
Daily reminders of my screw-ups,
My downfalls, my pain.
My lack of self-control.
They haunt, they taunt me.
They make me feel ashamed.
I wish they’d disappear.
But they now are a part me
A part of me I can’t let go
A part of me here to stay forever.
A part of me I will always regret.
Your essence, your being, it captured my soul.
I was curiously lusting for something out of my control.
One step, two step and you were so close.
As our bodies moved closer I felt that electric jolt.
Your lips touch mine as our bodies intertwine.
Let’s stay in this moment forever
Please never say goodbye
I was always too afraid to fall in love.
To let you into my innermost thoughts.
So I built a wall around my heart.
Too high to climb and too strong to tear down.
I was scared that once you’d see the real me.
The, me; the rest of the world doesn’t get to see.
You’d run, run far away and not ever look back.
So I kept you at arms distance until you gave up.
The wall kept me safe, it kept you away.
It saved you from heartbreak.
From a girl who would’ve been a mistake.
He was the lighting that only struck once.
He was the stars that engulfed the night sky.
He was the fire that consumed my soul.
He was enough and he was mine.
my scars remind me of you.
the ones I carved into my skin.
I hate that you are still apart me.
because I allowed you to consume me.
sometimes I want to cover them up.
other times I think these are my battle wounds.
it’s a constant struggle because these are daily reminders.
of memories, bad memories engraved into my skin.
Sometimes I forget to breathe
I forget that I too have needs
I lose myself in your battles
But I’ll take your burdens and place them on top of mine
Just so you don’t suffer.
I tried to be your light, the light you see at the end of the tunnel
But you couldn’t see, you didn’t want to see me
I know that I used to burn so bright.
Now I struggle.
I was always a sheltered child who grew up in a bubble wrapped home.
The big bad world wasn’t supposed to be my oyster.
I wasn’t supposed to venture out to try and find my pearl.
I was a curious child, unconventional in every way.
I wasn’t what my parents raised.
I asked too many questions, I wanted to do things my way.
I craved adventure, I wanted to make mistakes.
I felt suffocated, I hated the bubble wrap that was supposed to keep me safe.
I was always in limbo fighting with my right and wrong,
your right and wrong, your way versus mine.
It was an ongoing battle and we were losing track.
I tried not to hurt you so I hurt me instead.
I tried to give you what you wanted but nothing ever changed.
The bubble wrap was just wound around tighter.
I’m tired of playing the devil’s advocate. I’m tired of fighting for each breath.
I’m tired of being angry, sad and always feeling defeated.
My life is mine.
Not yours, mine.
What I do for me because I see fit is not a crime.
I need you to understand that I love you.
I will always love you.
But we need to let go.
We need to set each other free.
Because I just need to let me, be happy.