You know that feeling, that delirious feeling of being in and out of consciousness. Watching as the world passes you by yet you’re frozen in a state of denial. A blur, a tangent feeling, circles, running; your mind buzzing. That is how I function most days.
I have places to be, people to meet. I pick up the pace and start to walk faster, faster my feet move a little faster
I quickly check my phone. It’s Matteo again. I contemplate whether I should answer. I’m only a few moments away.
“Hello, I’m just around the corner. I won’t be long”
Nothing. I hear nothing.
I can’t even hear him breathing.
“Matteo! If this is some kind of joke I’m going to kill you”
“Fine, have it your way I can see you now anyway I’ll be there in a second.”
I run up to the boy with bright brown eyes, he’s smiling in the way your whole body reacts to joy. Nose crinkled, eyes barely open, dimple kinda smile – he keeps me sane, my Matteo. I’m going to marry him one day. I’ll be the perfect wife, have a few kids, fall in love with how imperfectly perfect we are for each other. This is the man I want till my dying breath.
Arms open I go to embrace my love. I feel his body next to mine – I feel at home so close to his chest hearing his heartbeat it’s my favourite sound. But why isn’t he holding me, why aren’t his arms around my waist pulling me closer, why is he standing still? I look up at my love. He isn’t smiling anymore. His brows furrowed in confusion.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” I’m starting to worry now too.
He doesn’t answer me, it’s like he doesn’t’ see me like I’m not there at all.
“Matteo, baby why aren’t you answering me? Did I do something wrong?”
He’s staring right at me, worry written all over his face. His eyes darkening, his lips pursing the way he does when he’s mad. I move back a little and he pulls out his phone.
He’s dialling a number, his eyes wondering. Why is he acting like this, so strange and out of character?
My phone starts to ring.
Before I can say anything. He walks right through me.