The other day I over heard a conversation most likely a little too deep for a bus journey home but nonetheless it got me thinking. This girl was talking to possibly someone who is really close to her and surprisingly having a heart to heart on a not so empty bus. She was pouring her heart out, so to speak. “ I guess my biggest fear is losing someone I love, not the inevitable but losing someone because they fall out of love with you. They go on living their life on this earth without you, I don’t think I could cope with that. Knowing that we were once so in love and now we don’t even care in that way for each other. That would tear me apart. Maybe that’s why I’m just not ready to let anyone in.”
I wholly understand where she is coming from but I think for me it has always been the opposite. Maybe it’s because I’ve experienced the whole loving someone who doesn’t love me back anymore thing. Losing someone and that person moving on so quickly and you just being so lost because they were your whole world and now they are your nothing well you are their nothing.
It will feel like your drowning and there no chance of you coming up for air. It’s going to feel like that for some time. And boy are you going to cry, every single day for the next few months. Those tears, they will come out of nowhere because everything you knew and got so accustom to is gone. It will take time but you will feel better, will get stronger and the best thing that comes out of heart break is that you are given the opportunity to rediscover who you are. You will shine and know your worth and things will get better. Slowly but surely, they will get better.
That’s why I understand but to me losing someone your are in love with to death is something I can’t comprehend. Not because I don’t see it happen all the time but because I just can’t grasp the idea of being so in love with someone and that person loving me just as much and then one day they are gone. They are six feet under the ground and I don’t have to ability to say all those things I wanted to, to tell them how much I love them and just all those other little things we tend to take for granted. I won’t be able to live my truth because you were my soulmate and we bought out the best in each other. I’m sacred of losing someone because If i’m in love with you and we’ve together long enough we would be a part of each other, we would be dependent on each other so much so that I would feel like a child lost all alone on a busy street not knowing where to go. I would lose a part of me, when I lose a part of you.
Death is so definitive, there is no choice in it. When it’s your time to go, you are gone from this earth, there are no take backs or chances to make a difference and the thing is most times you don’t even see it coming, it just takes you by surprise. I think that is what would break me the most.
So if someone breaks your heart and they leave you to move on with their own life. Let them walk away. If they turn down your love, know that you are worth so much more and that life still has so much to offer you. Don’t stress or worry about a person who isn’t even yours because you never know you could be blocking your own blessings being so caught up in this heartache. I believe everything you expereince in this life happens for a reason even if it just ends up being Gods way of teaching you a lesson. You come out of it a better person, so much stronger, so much happier and so much more confident and secure in who you are and what you want in life. So if someone leaves you, just say goodbye.